I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
