the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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