you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
