Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
