Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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