Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
