your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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