The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
