i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
