Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
