I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
