I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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