I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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