his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
