Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
