I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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