Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
