Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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