So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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