Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
