the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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