I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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