as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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