didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
