i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
