I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
