Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
