You just made me feel so damn special
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
