i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
