I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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