I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
