i wish my penis had a tongue
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
