is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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