at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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