Yo dont text me then not text me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
