Already got asked if we're dating
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
