dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
