is your mom at the bar?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
