literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
