Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
