It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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