who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
