Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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