i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
