You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
