If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
