mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
