your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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