im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
