Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
