I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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