I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
