I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
